Most lawyers are control freaks. Not only that, we are problem solvers. Give us a problem and we will give you a solution. That's what we're trained to do, and what comes to most of us naturally. It's part of what attracted us to the law - we thought the law provided an answer for everything. Of course, we discovered that it didn't. No matter, with our experience and education, we believe we are able to solve our clients' problems. That's why you hired us - right?
Being good problem solvers was such an asset in the old days, when clients came to us for just that reason. Back in those days, what the lawyer told the client to do, they did it, no questions asked. Those days are long gone, thankfully. Greater access to information and more attunement to feelings has created a client who wants to have a say in what happens to them. That new client is why there has been a rise in the use of alternative methods of dispute resolution such as mediation and collaborative law. The client wants to make their own decisions and wants the lawyer to advise and support them and reality test their options. Personally, I think that's a wonderful thing. After all, who knows the other side and what they will and won't do better than their spouse? Who knows what will work in their lives better than the person living it? Frankly, a more empowered client takes a huge weight off my shoulders. It's hard not only providing information and advice but also deciding the future of someone else's life. Am I still a problem solver? Sure, but I've let go of the outcome, let go of the need to control it, and instead use my problem solving skills and legal knowledge to help my clients solve their own dilemmas.
Some lawyers don't have an easy time letting go of the control. They can't stand that they are not in charge of the outcome. They shudder at simply helping their clients work out their own problems. They don't listen to what their clients tell them about what their spouse will and won't do. (I know my first attorney didn't, and they were wrong; thank heaven for my second lawyer.) Mediation and collaboration make them antsy because it's too touchy feely, and the solutions that the clients reach are outside what may have been reached traditionally. There are clients for these lawyers, just as there are clients for lawyers like me. There are just fewer of them. The legal world is changing, and lawyers need to change along with it. It's hard to do, so be patient with us; but not so patient that you agree to something you know won't work just because your lawyer tells you to do so. It's your life, after all. Here in the Trenches.
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