A Man and His Dog Walk Into a Hotel.....

Last week, I was visiting family in Ohio.  I happened to be in Canton around the time of the Hall of Fame induction.  I met a really interesting man who was in town for his buddy's induction.  (In case you're wondering, his buddy is Brett Favre). We started talking, and he showed me pictures and videos of his family (aren't smartphones amazing?) - a lovely wife, seven beautiful children and two dogs.  Yes, I said seven children - all 13 years old and younger.  The pictures he showed me were of a happy and close family group.  He told me proudly that they all sit in the front pew at church every Sunday, and they all behave beautifully.  He wanted to tell me how that was possible.  So, he told me about his dog.

You see, he had a dog from the time he was a junior in college, through the births of a number of his children.  When he first got the dog, he worked with a trainer.  The trainer told him that even though being strict with his dog would feel hard, providing the dog with rules and boundaries would allow him to feel safe and secure.  In point of fact, knowing the boundaries allowed his dog to relax and focus on just being a dog.  Positive reinforcement is a wonderful thing, and the dog and owner trained each other.  Fast forward to when his first son was two years old.  My acquaintance was out in the yard running football patterns with his dog and his son.  The football went into the street; the dog and the boy went after it.  The acquaintance yelled "stop."; the dog stopped, and the boy did not.  Don't worry, a pro football player is faster than a two year old, so his son was fine.  It started this young father thinking, however.  He decided to work on training his children, and establish firm boundaries and expectations just like he did with his dog.  He told me how he worked with them to gently and positively reinforce the behavior he expected.  He let them know the structure he and his wife built for them to live in would keep them safe.  Obviously, it worked.  His children know the boundaries, so they don't have to think about them.  They can concentrate instead on daring their father to try to do back flips on camera, and on dreaming the big dreams in life because they have a safe container from which to operate.

One of the hardest things we do here in the Trenches is to build a safe container for our clients.  Like my acquaintance, we educate our clients about the boundaries of the process they've chosen to resolve their dispute.  We let them know we will help guide them and will keep them moving forward within the process.  We build the trust that lets them know they are safe within those boundaries, and that we will support and advise them as they forge ahead.  If we do our jobs right, our clients trust that we will protect their process.  This frees them up do the hard work of  thinking about what they want to do, where they want to go, and how they might get there  They have the freedom to dream about what might be in their future and to work toward that goal because they know we have their back.  They feel safe - if we've done our job.  Here in the Trenches.