Whatever is Child Support For?

Like many of us here in the Trenches, I think I'll scream if one more parent who pays child support tells me that they're pissed because the other parent isn't even spending their child support on the children.  It usually goes something like this:  "I pay my child support, and it's a lot of money, and the other parent told our child he/she can't afford to buy them "X."  What are they using the money for?  I certainly don't see our child in new clothes, and you should see the state of their shoes.  My ex, on the other hand, just bought a new car; is that where my money is going?""  OK, let's put the myth that child support is for the direct, palpable expenses of the child to rest right now; it isn't.  Perhaps a history lesson is in order here, because that's usually where I go first.

Way back in the dark ages, before 1990 or so, there were no child support guidelines, and child support was up to the discretion of the judge.  No disrespect to judges intended here, but most of them had no clue how much it costs to raise a child.  Most of them set child support so low that the custodial parent couldn't afford the ordinary expenses of their household and ended up on federal entitlements like food stamps, welfare and medicaid.  It cost the federal government a lot of money, so they government decided to do something about it; they tied federal highway funding to the passage by each state of laws that standardized the amounts of child support through their state.  Lo and behold, each and every state wanted highway funding, so they passed some form of child support guidelines.  Those guidelines are a formula that represent the legislature's best guess of how much it costs on average around the state to raise children.  By "raise children" what we mean is the incremental cost of a larger home, more utilities usage, higher grocery bills, more transportation costs of having additional human beings in a home, along with the direct costs of clothing, haircuts, medical copays and the like.  Their purpose is so that the child enjoys a relatively comparable standard of living in both houses; it's really not OK that they live like royalty in one house and like a pauper in the other.  Yes, child support can be a huge financial burden, and it feels really unfair to be paying so much money and see no benefit.   After all, when you spend that much money, you want to be able to quantify what you're getting.  I can't help you with the amount of support; that was set by the legislature.  Let me help you with seeing a benefit for you financial sacrifice.  What you're getting is your child having a decent place to live, electricity and running water, clothes on their back, a reliable car in which to ride, and a co-parent who isn't quite so stressed out about finding the funds with which to do that.  Your child benefits from all of that because of you.  That's priceless.  Here in the Trenches.