Pretty Woman or Wonder Woman?

Whenever I talk about process, I like to think of myself as The Process Girl, kind of like Julia Roberts was The Safety Girl in Pretty Woman.  I know, pretty presumptuous of me, but I can dream.  After this week, I am thinking of myself more like Wonder Woman, but with a big P on the chest of my costume.  Why the change?  Well, in Pretty Woman, Vivian was The Safety Girl more as an incidental part of what she did.  The letter on the chest of Wonder Woman's costume reflected the innermost essence of what she was; and that's how I feel about process.  I can deal with being Lynda Carter too.

This week, the importance of process was driven home to me twice.  Let's back up and talk process again.  No, not the type of process, like a dispute resolution mechanism, but the process of deciding itself.  You see, it doesn't matter whether a person resolves their disputes around the kitchen table, or through mediation, collaborative process, lawyer to lawyer negotiation or litigation; the steps of the process is still the same:

1.   Identify your goals, hopes, wants and needs, both from the process and for your life moving forward;
2.   Develop the questions that need to be answered in order to realize those goals, hopes, wants and needs;
3.   Determine and gather the information necessary to answer the questions you have asked;
4.   Brainstorm without evaluating all possible solutions of the issues by using the information gathered to answer the questions needed to meet your goals, hopes, wants and needs;
5.  Evaluate the possible solutions in order to meet resolution.

We call the five steps of the process different things depending on what kind of dispute resolution method we use.  The steps may take different formats.  But, and this is a big but, you MUST go through all the steps in order.  Sure, sometimes we need to circle back based on what information is discovered, but the steps are always the same and in the same order.  You cannot shortcut it - EVER.

Here's what happens when you try to shortcut the process - people get upset.  They get really upset. and they get derailed  You see, the steps of the process have multiple purposes; perhaps the most important of which is that it forces people to disengage their reactive, primitive reptile brain and engage the more evolved, rational part of their being.  In other words, the steps of the process help folks be less emotional because they are focusing on something concrete.  It helps people operate from a place of fact and information and not simply pain, shame and disappointment.  It's empowering to be fully informed, and jump starts the analytical brain so people can make their own decisions.

Twice this week, clients attempted to shortcut the process; it wasn't pretty and it wasn't productive.  Reminding people that there is a process, that we will get to where they want to go, and letting them know when that will be, is tremendously reassuring.  Once clients know their concern is on the radar, that it will be addressed and when, they can relax.  That helps motivate them to gather and synthesize information and make decisions. That's the beauty of the process.  It's why I'm The Process Girl.  Here in the Trenches.