Put. Down. That. Phone.

Put. Down. That. Phone.  I have an app on my phone that shows how much time I spent on screen each week.  The first time it posted, I thought it had to be a mistake.  I'm not one of those people who sit on their phone all the time, at meals, in the evening.....My use, unlike everyone else's, is miniscule. Right?  Well, if that's true, then everyone else is on their phone all the time.  When I reflected a bit, I realized that I was checking my screen while I was walking, during breaks in TV shows, as I moved between tasks at work, when I got up and before I went to bed.  In short, I WAS on my smartphone a lot.  Being a not so competitive person (cough, cough), I started to make it a game to see if I could reduce my screen time each week.  I have and I feel virtuous.  What else have I found?  Well, I enjoy my walks much more because I can hear the wind in the trees and the birds singing, and also because I focus more on the world around me.  I have more conversations with my significant other.  I miss less of the action on the TV shows I actually like.  Plus, I'm sleeping better.

Being present and communicating with your spouse or significant other are two of the most important things to do to preserve your relationship.  Article after article stresses the importance of these two actions to the health of a relationship.  Just yesterday, there was an article on solving the problems in your relationship on NBC News Better.  Not surprising, one of the top strategies was better communication and the other was being in tune with your partner's feelings (in other words, being present).  Here in the Trenches, the overwhelming majority of our clients say that their spouse doesn't communicate or pay attention to them.  These folks aren't talking about wine and roses - what they're talking about is listening when they talk and being present in the room.  That doesn't take a lot of time, but it does take effort.  We're so used to the immediate and the now that we forget that those things aren't what's really important.  What's important is building and continuing to build relationships with the people in the room with you, and not the ones on social media.  Leave the phone at home every once in a while.  Park it by the front door when you get home.  I won't make you do it all the time, but just for a few minutes every day.  Your relationship will thank you, and you may avoid being in the Trenches.