Let it Go

Sometimes the biggest gift you can give yourself and others is to “Let it Go.”  This weekend was our annual, multi-generational trip to Disney for the RunDisney Princess Half Marathon.  This year, Mom hurt her leg and was told she should not even try to walk long distances, of which there are plenty.  Mom, being a very fit 83 years young, did not want to rent a wheelchair or a scooter.  I think she thought it made her look and feel old.  She also, however, did not want to miss out on the day we planned at EPCOT or the dinner at Disney Springs.  She swallowed her pride and rented a scooter.  Best idea ever (aside from running me over at bag check on that first morning - that did, however, make for a great family story).  Here’s the backstory.

Every other year of this trip, Mom started out the park day with us.  By the time lunch rolled around, she had enough of the standing in line and walking (an average park day is around 20,000 - 30,000 steps).  After lunch, she went back to our lodgings and spent the rest of the day sitting alone.  No fun for her and no fun for the rest of us because not only was she not with us having fun, but we also felt kind of guilty that she was by herself.  This year, even though the weather was frightful, she stayed with us all day.  She used the scooter when she needed it and her cane when she didn’t.  The rest of us enjoyed the use of the scooter when she wasn’t on it.  We loved that she was with us.  I got to show her parts of EPCOT I’ve never been able because of the amount of walking and standing it entails.  She was part of ALL of our experiences, not just some of them.  It was fantastic.  In fact, it was so great that I think we’ll use a scooter on all of our upcoming Disney trips.  Mom’s willingness to see herself as someone who uses a scooter as a transportation mechanism and not part of who she is saved our future trips (Mom had told me that she was thinking of not coming next time because she was holding us back).

Mom could have held on to her vision of herself as someone who did not need a scooter to enjoy herself.  Had she done so, she would have missed a lot of experiences as well as time with her family. Instead, she pulled on her driving gloves (no joke) and re-invented herself as a driver on an obstacle course who got to enjoy all of the family fun.  Separation and divorce bring so many changes to your life. How those changes affect you depend on how you view them.  Do you see yourself as someone with a failed marriage?  Maybe as a pathetic single parent?  Or as a failure because your marriage didn’t last?  Telling you to stop the negative thoughts is rarely successful unless and until you see yourself differently.  Sure, you’re now a single parent, and you are also someone who gets to invent new and different family traditions.  Maybe you now get to be the adventurer, exposing your children to new  and different experiences.  Yes, your marriage ended, and you learned what you’re looking for in a spouse, or maybe that you don’t want a spouse.  Maybe now you can be the driven executive or the world traveling nomad.

I know, you’re thinking about all those people in your life who are judging you.  They label you, and you care.  Why?  Maybe you’re now a person who doesn’t care what those people think. Maybe you’re now a person with friends who embrace who you have become and not what you are not.  This weekend, I was injured.  Running the two races fast or for time was not in my cards.  I’m sure people passed us at our leisurely pace and judged us based on our speed.  I didn’t care at all.  I was a race finisher, not a racer who always tries to run a faster time.  Because I internalized my vision of myself, what other people thought never entered my mind and I was proud to finish.  What about you?  Can you let go of what you were, what you thought you should be, and find an identity that gives you joy?   It isn’t easy, but it’s so worthwhile.  Try it.  Here in the Trenches.