Daylight Savings Time kicks my butt every year. I hate losing the extra hour of sleep. I always plan to get to bed extra early the night before, and either that doesn't happen, or I end up tossing and turning for hours. This year, I also managed to have an earache. I woke up exhausted. I had a headache and an earache and felt generally awful. The problem is, I still had my morning 7:30am walk with a friend, followed by meeting Max's walking expectations. Then, there was my weekly yoga class at noon. Tomorrow morning, I have to be up at 5 and out the door by 6 to babysit my granddaughter. Life doesn't stop just because Daylight Savings Time is getting the best of me.
Divorce is kind of like Daylight Savings Time. Most people, if they're really honest with themselves. know in a small corner of their minds that their marriage is ending. Maybe they plan for it a bit, maybe they don't. It comes all the same. It kicks their butts, and knocks them down. Life, however, goes on. There's still work to be done, children to be cared for, and relationships to maintain. Life doesn't stop just because there's a divorce.
In past years, I would power through the first day of Daylight Savings Time. It wan't going to get the best of me! So, I dragged myself through the day, doing everything I normally do. It took me the better part of a week to recover. Not this year. Sure, I went for my walks and I went to yoga. I also took a nap, sat and read a book or two, surfed on social media and laid around petting Max. (I also took 2 ibuprofen). I acknowledged that today was different than other days and I couldn't treat it like it was the same. I still did what I needed to do, but I took care of myself for the rest of the day.
When people are getting divorced, somehow they see it as a sign of weakness when they're exhausted, overwrought or just plain sad. It's kind of a badge of honor that the divorce won't get the better of them. Or maybe it's that they won't give their ex the satisfaction of knowing that getting divorce affected them. I understand that desire. The problem, however, is that divorce can be emotionally and physically draining. It can also be a long process. It is guaranteed to exhaust, overwhelm and sadden you. When you don't acknowledge those facts and actively plan for them by engaging in self care, you could wear out before the end (which could be disastrous and lead you to agree to a bad settlement just to be done), not be in a frame of mind to settle (which could lead to an unnecessary trial or bypassing a good settlement) or take far longer to recover (and in the meantime, those near and ear to you suffer). Self care is not being self-indulgent; it's simply good sense. Here in the Trenches.
