It's A Wonderful Life

To both those of you who read this blog regularly, I apologize for the sporadic posting of late.  Life is quite hectic here in the Trenches right now.  We are getting ready for our move, attending a lot of conferences (why are they all in October?), standing knee deep in discovery (so many trees die for so little useful information), and of course, visiting family.  It all makes for exhaustion and too few hours in the day.  Unfortunately, many times the blog loses that race, even when we have a lot to say.  For that, again, I am sorry.  OK, apology over - let's get on to the blog.

Much of what we do here in the Trenches is help our clients make good decisions in a bad situation.  It's hard enough to do that given our clients' emotional state during a divorce or custody dispute.  They are under a lot of pressure.  Some of them have even more added pressure in the form of loved ones and friends whose expectations are not always in line with the reality of the situation and the law.  Those people are not our clients, and so they do not benefit from the tremendous amount of time and effort we expend in helping our clients understand what is and is not possible or probable.  They just know that the person they care about is hurting, and in their world, the other person is to blame.  They want their loved one to feel better, to be whole, and....to gain some vindication.  Those are all understandable feelings.  From here in the Trenches, however, it makes our lives so much more difficult.  We have worked hard to help our clients get to a place where they can think rationally about the situation they face.  They have some understanding of what is possible and can partner with us to evaluate settlement proposals and probabilities of success in court.  They are where we need them to be in order to make their best deal.  Then, their friends and loved ones kick in, and let them know THEIR expectations for them.  Our clients begin to worry anew that the settlement they reached won't be good enough for everyone else's expectations.  They worry that, like when they drive that new car off the lot, everyone else will think they could/should have gotten a better deal.  What was a moment of relief and satisfaction becomes one of dread and concern.   What we here in the Trenches would like all those others to know is that 1) We know family law; 2)  We know your friend and loved one; 3) We wouldn't counsel them to settle their case if we hadn't discussed all the pros and cons with them and reality tested the what ifs; 4) We couldn't counsel them to settle their case if they weren't satisfied with the result.  We don't trade on fear; we are honest about the risks and the rewards.  Our clients trust that we have their back, and that we've given them all the information and advice they need.  What we're like to say to everyone else is to trust their loved one to make the right decision for themselves, and share their relief and satisfaction.  Even if you don't feel it, fake it.  Those in the Trenches have enough stress without feeling unsupported.