Lilly

       

       My parents have had dogs since I was a relatively small child.  When their last dog died, over ten years ago, they decided, for a number of reasons, not to get another dog.  Mom remembered, however, how much joy their dog brought them, how Dad would come home from work and the dog would jump in his lap, and he would pet her while he watched the news.  He looked forward to those evenings with the dog, and it gave him so much pleasure.  Fast forward ten years, and as you know, Dad is not doing so well.  He can't drive, it's hard for him to hear, and walking is a chore.  He's homebound, and sometimes chair or bed bound.  For a man like my Dad, all of this is very hard to take, and the light really has really gone out of his life.  He's not talking much either, so Mom (although she has Pierre - G-d's gift to home health aides and a very nice man) has been lonely too.  One of my parent's cousins got a small dog, and talked about how it really lifted their spirits.  They brought the dog to visit and my Dad's face lit up.  My aunt (Mom's sister) got a miniature dachshund (a rescue, natch), and raved about the dog.  Mom remembered their dogs and how much they, especially Dad, loved them.  My aunt offered to get Mom a miniature dachshund as well.  Mom agreed, and two months ago, Lilly joined their lives.  That's her picture on this blog entry.  We call her a service dog.  She makes Dad smile, he loves to pet her and throw her toy, and she calms him, many times in the middle of the night.  She is Mom's constant companion as well.  And Pierre feeds her bits of hot dog, so she's his buddy for life.  The mood at the house has lifted immeasurably since Lilly arrived in August.  Really, she doesn't do much to bring so much joy; she's just being Lilly, patrolling the yard for squirrels and lizards, and making the world safe for tiny canines. She makes them all happy.

       I bet you're thinking I'm going to have to stretch this a bit to make it about the Trenches.  Really?  Don't you know by now that everything can be equated to the Trenches?  I am not advocating that everyone in the Trenches adopt a dog, although you know I love my dogs.  The story of Lilly is not really about a dog.  It's about coping with adversity.  I think we can all agree that Mom and Dad have had a tough year.  Not a whole lot has gone really well for them, especially health wise.  Mom could have given up.  She could have decided that such was their lot for the rest of Daddy's life, and resigned herself to being fairly miserable.  Instead, Mom thought back and wracked her memory for what she and Dad had done in the past that made them happy.  She remembered how they felt about their dogs, and decided that canine companionship was just what they needed to lift all of their spirits.  She was right, and Lilly now rules the roost.  The point is that Mom didn't wallow in self pity; she didn't give up.  She made a conscious decision that no matter what life was throwing at her, she was going to be darned if she let the circumstances determine her destiny.  She made lemonade out of her lemons.

     Our clients here in the Trenches are faced with daunting circumstances.  Maybe they didn't want the divorce; maybe they did.  Maybe the other parent of their children is moving away and wants to take the children with them.  Whatever the circumstance, and even if they initiated the separation or custody dispute, their lives are in turmoil.  Every day they wake up and are confronted with emotional upheaval, with the constant reminder of their circumstances.  Some of those folks roll over and pull the blankets over their heads.  Others decide to take control over even a small portion of their lives and move forward, whether it's joining a gym, a book club or getting a haircut or a goldfish.  The folks who roll over and hide are not our favorite clients, because that's their attitude toward their case as well; they figure if they don't deal with it, it's not happening.  No matter what we do, they don't help us and don't give us any clues about what they need and what is important to them - except that none of this be happening to them.  Until those clients pull the covers off their heads, they'll remain stuck and won't move forward out of misery, no matter what we do.   Here in the Trenches, we look for signs that our clients are trying to take those baby steps forward.  It means they've decided to take control of their destinies, and are ready and able to help us help them resolve their dispute and move on with the rest of their lives.  They may not help us much right away, but as we move along, those clients gain strength and purpose.  They become eager to solve their problem, and it's then that we are able to help them determine what is important to them so we can reach a resolution.  Here in the Trenches.