Stand By Me

No TGIF today.  The months of April and May are very hard for me and mine here in the Trenches.  Last month we mourned the one year anniversary of the passing of Office T.  Today, we grieve with one of our good friends here in the Trenches as she marks the second anniversary of the death of her husband, who was also far too young.  The interesting piece here is that I never met my friend's husband until he was very ill, and she (and her lovely parents and good friends) never met Office T.  The losses are obviously very different, as she lost her husband and the father of her children, and my loss was that of a friend, albeit a good one.  Yet, for all of that, we understand each other's grief.  That is the interesting part.  I feel my friend's pain, not because it is my own, but because it is hers and I care about her.  It hurts to see her suffer, to know the cause, to know the extent of the loss, and yet be powerless in its face.  I can't make it hurt less, ease her grief, wave my magic wand and make it all go away.  Neither can she do the same for me.  Yet, knowing that she would if she could and that she knows that behind the smile are tears somehow makes it all easier to bear.  I hope it does the same for her, and that all the identical wishes of those who care about her keep her afloat today.
Here in the Trenches, I often hear about friends who suddenly disappear when someone gets divorced. I hear about the friends who don't call, and don't come around anymore.  There are lots of reasons for that, and I'm not going into all of them.  Sometimes, people stay away because they don't know what to do or say in the face of extreme loss.  They're afraid they'll say the wrong thing, and they feel powerless in the face of their friend's grief for the loss of their marriage and the life they once knew.  So they stay away, because they think being there and saying nothing is worse than not being there at all.  Being there is what matters.  Keeping the vigil with them in silence is hard, but many times it is what is needed.  It takes a good friend to know that and to follow through.  Loss is hard enough; it's even harder to do it alone.
Girlfriend (and your wonderful parents), as we mark this day with you, you're not alone.  Here in the Trenches.