Who's the Parent?

The holidays are a lot on my mind right now, as it is for a lot of us here in the Trenches.  It is, historically, a time when we're very busy.  Everybody wants the children with them.  Mom's holiday celebration is more important than Dad's.  Dad's holiday celebration is more important than Mom's.  The parents think how horrible it will be to be at a family get together and be the only one without their children.   What about having to leave a family celebration early so the children can be with the other parent? Those situations must be avoided at all costs, and the only way that can happen is if the children are with them.  Then there are the folks whose parenting agreement isn't written with sufficient detail.  When, exactly is the halfway point of winter break?  Is it on Wednesday or Thursday?  Is it at noon or midnight?  The other parent can't have more time with the children, so these measurements must be exact.  Really?  Who's the adult here?  Normally, I would say it's the parents, but not here in the Trenches.  In the Trenches, the adult is usually the child.  Why do I say that?   Most families have a holiday tradition.  They usually spend the holiday with one side of the family or the other.  Not so after the divorce.  The children miss what they know, but they don't want to worry their parents - mom and dad have enough to think about.  They stoically endure the new holiday reality so that their parents don't feel bad.  Shouldn't it be the parents who endure so the children's holiday traditions are preserved?        Shouldn't it be the parent who spends somewhat less time with their child so the exchange doesn't have to happen at midnight?  One would think so.  Unfortunately, here in the Trenches, one would often be wrong.  How hard can it be for a parent to put the children first?  Harder than it seems.  Here in the Trenches.