I'm off tomorrow for Daughter's college graduation. In honor of all graduations being celebrated by clients and former clients here in the Trenches, I offer the following:
Dear Parent;
I know you're still angry about the divorce. Your former spouse is not your favorite person (an understatement, I'm sure). In fact, I'm sure if your never had to see him or her again, you would be thrilled. The thought of sucking it up and spending the day with your child's other parent makes your blood boil. I know; I sympathize. What I'd like you to do is go out and take a long run, swim a few laps, punch a couple of pillows. In short, do whatever you need to do to blow off steam. Do you feel better now? Good, because you need to suck it up a while longer.
Today is your child's graduation. It is an important day in their lives. It represents the culmination of years of hard work (we hope) and accomplishment. Your child is happy. They want you to be happy for them. They want you to be proud of them. They want you to sit with their other parent. They want you to be civil to each other, even if you can't actually spend a lunch or a dinner with them. Today is about your child. Don't make it about you by finally telling your adult child how you really feel about their other parent and by refusing to share their day. Think about the memories you want to leave with your child about today. Do you want them to remember it as a happy occasion that they got to spend with both their parents focusing on them alone? Or would you rather that they remember it as a day full of stress as they sought to juggle the graduation itself and make sure they spent time with both of their parents separately because their parents weren't mature enough to put aside their differences and focus on them? Do you love your children more than you hate your spouse? Today's the day to prove it - here in the Trenches.
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