Let's talk some more about learning the truth. I attended two different mediation sessions with two of my clients and their spouses. At both mediation sessions, there was bad behavior by all parties. It would be really easy to paint everyone with the same brush and say they are all unreasonable, unrealistic, angry people. That would not be correct. Sure, they all look unreasonable, unrealistic and angry. A couple of them are very angry and hateful, and will probably never forgive their spouse for the divorce and its aftermath. For the most part, most of them are afraid - of the future. A few are really frustrated - that their spouse hasn't changed or has changed, that they haven't done what they promised to do, that all the things that made dealing with them a head banging experience are still there. They all feel under attack and are incredibly defensive - wouldn't you be with all these strangers dissecting you and your choices? It takes a bit of sitting back and observing to figure out what emotions lie under the surface. In the Trenches, if you don't know that, you're not really helpful: not to your client and not to their family. First and foremost, our job is to help our clients move on with their lives. To do that, we need to know what underlies the outward manifestations of anger and pain. Luckily, it's what the good ones of us know how to do. Here in the Trenches.
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