Let's Award the Gold Medal

It was the third session of mediation.  It was the second session with attorneys present.  All told, we spent 11 hours mediating the custody of a one year old.  We settled the case.  We agreed on a schedule through the start of school at age 6.  Was it easy?  No?  Were both parents reasonable, rational people, who were uncrippled by emotion?  No.  One of them, however, was.  Let's talk about that parent.

Was that parent older, more mature?  Nope.  Did that parent have other children or younger siblings to parent?  Nope.  So, what made that client so good?  First, the client did the research.  This client read articles and studies about bonding and attachment in children.  Coming into mediation, this client  knew how often the child had to have access with both parents in those first 5 years of life to form secure attachments.  That was most important.  Second, this client knew the other parent.  The client knew the other parent's fears and needs.  The client thought about them before coming into mediation, and decided how to address them.  Was the client 100% correct in his assessment?  Of course not, but the fact that the client made a real effort caused the other parent to try to clarify and to meet the other parent half way.  Third, the client knew their own limitations.  This is all important because these three things helped the client clarify what was a necessary part of the custody agreement, and knew everything else was negotiable or expendable.  The client also knew what the other parent's concerns would be and knew how to address them.  In short, this client was about as prepared to mediate as anyone I've ever seen.  The client also knew how to use me in the mediation:  to reality test, provide detail and help create acceptable solutions.  The client utilized all the resources at hand to their best and highest use to reach an acceptable agreement.  It's how I like it.  Here in the Trenches.