Five Things You Should Do Before You Decide to Divorce

1.   Change your password, on your phone, voicemail, email, Facebook, bank and credit accounts.  While we're at it, check your Facebook.  Is there anything on there that might make you look less than responsible?  Do the same for Twitter, Tumblr, Linkedin, Pinterest, and Instagram.  Clean up your online and public image.  I don't need to tell you not to publish pictures of you drunk, high or in compromising positions - right.

2.   Know what debts you have, and in whose name they are.  If they are in your name, they're yours.  If they're in joint names, they're both of yours. The credit companies don't care about any agreement you may make with your spouse; they care only about whose signature is on their contract. Oh wait, perhaps you should think about whether you could afford to service the debt if your spouse weren't around to help with the payments or your other expenses.  Again, don't incur debt you can't pay.  If you do, think about how to pay it down before you leave.

3.  Know what you own.  Not just cars and your house, but retirement accounts, stocks, mutual funds, and bank accounts.  Do your research.  Figure out the extent of what you own.  Find the statements.  Even if the only statements you can find are old, it's a starting point for investigation.  Educate yourself.

4.  Manage your credit.  No, it's not the same as #1.  Do you have credit cards?  In whose name are they? Are you a co-applicant or simply an authorized user?  How much is your credit limit?  How much space is there on the cards?  Think about whether your spouse might take a cash advance or charge to the credit limit.  Might you need to do the same?  Remember, divorce is expensive, and not because of attorney fees.  Setting up and maintaining a new household is costly.  While we're at it, do you have a credit card in your own name?  A bank account?  Get them.

5.  Get a good therapist - they're better than friends, and you will need the help of a professional to deal with all the feelings and changes in your life.  Go see a lawyer - not necessarily to hire one, but to find one with whom you are comfortable and to become educated about your options.

That's it.  Here in the Trenches.