Why Do We Care If You Have Minor Children? Should We?

Effective October 1, 2015, Maryland will finally have a no fault divorce.  Sort of.  After October 1, 2015, if a married couple without children under the age of 18 desire to divorce AND they have a signed agreement which settles all of the issues between them, financial and otherwise, they may divorce without physically separating.  Note, this law does not apply to people with minor children.  Wait, what?  Why wouldn't it, shouldn't it apply to people with minor children?  Well, stability for the children is an answer.  Frankly, it's not a very smart answer, but it's an answer.  I suppose the legislature, in its infinite wisdom thinks that if we still make people with minor children have a year's separation before they get a divorce, even if they already have a full separation agreement, maybe they'll stay together for the children.  Or, maybe if they have to stay married for another year, that provides the children time to get used to the divorce?  Maybe, if there's a year's separation, it gives the parents time to redo their custody agreement if it doesn't work before it is reduced to a judgment.  Well, that never happens.  Do you get the impression that I'm not a fan of the distinction our legislature has made between people with minor children and those without?  You'd be right.  Here's why.

People with minor children have to interact with each other on a regular, if not constant basis.  They see each other at school, on the sidelines at sporting events and at concerts.  They have to confer about medical treatment, religious rites of passage and education.  Even when the divorce is amicable, it's still hard to be in such close contact so often.  Now, let's add a new girlfriend or boyfriend to the mix, because lots of people start dating during that one year of separation.  It's a long time to put your life on hold.  Think how the other parent feels:  they're not divorced, but not really married, yet here's their spouse will another person.  Think about how the children feel:  while their parents are still married, there's hope that they'll get back together, but here's their parent with someone else.  How confusing is that?  Maybe the parents are dating someone else, but they don't want to reveal it in public because they're still married for the next year.  They hide it; they are furtive and nervous.  How do you think everyone feels with that secret hanging about?

What about changing the custody arrangement?  Well, the people who will tinker with it in the best interests of the children, will do so even with a judgment already entered.  Others simply won't, even if the agreement doesn't work, with or without a court order.  The fact that there is an agreement rather than a court order, means we're dealing with people who have the capacity to make reasoned agreements and compromises.  Doesn't that fact alone bode well for those people's custody agreements being living works in progress?  It does as much as anyone else's agreement.  What difference would another year of waiting make?  Here in the Trenches.