The easiest way to help your lawyer settle your case is.......to think. I know, it's not something you really feel up to right now, but trust me, you should try. It will help you obtain a settlement with which you can live, and save on legal fees. This is what I want you to do.
Sit in a quiet place and ask yourself a few questions:
1. Whatever else happens, the most important thing for me to have at the end of this case is.....
2. The second most important thing for me to have at the end of this case is.....
3. The third most important thing for me to have at the end of this case is.....
4. This thing is important but is not something I have to have. I am willing to negotiate this issue....
5. These things are things we should keep in mind in the big picture, but they are not that important to me.....
6. These things are not at all important to me....
Once you have answered these questions (and please, write down the answers), take a break. Go get yourself something to eat or drink. Go exercise. Do something. Now, sit back down in your quiet place and answer the same questions for your spouse. I don't want you to answer them in relation to your answers, which is why I told you to take a break. I want you to put yourself in your spouse's shoes and answer the questions as they would. After all, whether you think so at this point or not, you know them pretty well. You certainly know them better than your lawyer.
You may be surprised to realize that the things that are important to you aren't important to your spouse. You may be stunned to comprehend that your "throw away" things are what your spouse really values. It's important to know that different parts of the same item may be valuable to each of you. Will this help you and your lawyer settle your case? You betcha. Here in the Trenches.
(A version of this exercise may be found in Client Letters for the Family Lawyer: Saving Time, Managing Relationships, and Practicing Preventive Law by Mark Sullivan (ABA, 2013))
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