Goodbye My Friend

I had intended to write a very different post - yesterday.  Then I opened my Facebook and the world fell out beneath me.  25 years ago, I moved to Maryland.  I knew no one here.  One of the first things I did was join the Olney Newcomers Club, and there I met my first friend in Maryland.  She had a son the same age as mine, and so my son made his first friend in Maryland.  She had an older son and a young daughter.  When I had my daughter, her daughter and mine, even though they were 4 years apart, became fast friends.  We were in and out of each other's houses for the next 10 years, as were our children.  Yesterday, my friend's lovely daughter ended her own life.  She had suffered from depression and mental illness for years, and yesterday she lost her battle.  I keep seeing that beautiful young girl who was so full of life.  She had a beautiful smile and eyes so full of life, even when I saw her just a few weeks ago.  How could she be gone?  How much pain must my friend be in?

My friend's daughter was very active in the local chapter of NAMI.  She wanted to raise awareness that mental illness is a real disease, just as real as cancer or diabetes, and every bit as serious.  The only trouble with it is that you can't see it.  It's a disease that can be easy to cover up.  Just like cancer patients can wear a wig to cover up the effects of chemotherapy, so can the severely depressed put on a smile and pretend to be happy.  It doesn't show up with jaundiced skin or a limp.  Most of us don't dig too deep when there's no tears, no sobs and no frowns, and no "crazy" talk.  My grandpa used to say that looks can be deceiving, and nowhere can it be truer than with mental illness.

I know whereof I speak.  Many, many, many moons ago, I had a bout of severe depression.  I have never felt such pain before or since.  Getting out of bed was nearly impossible; the energy I needed just to get up was more than I could muster.  Oh, did I mention I've had mono, and that it was easier to get up and about then, than when I was depressed?  Every thought and every breath was painful.  I thought the pain would never go away.  My depression wasn't chronic.  Others aren't so lucky.  Their pain continues every day, with little relief.  Every day is a battle.  My friend's daughter lost hers.

Here in the Trenches, we see a lot of things that appear one way but are another.  A marriage that looked happy was a sham  The perfect couple was miserable and dysfunctional.  The spouse who seemed to have it all together was a mess; and the one who seemed like a mess maintained the structure.  Our clients battle mental illness.  Our clients are emotional wrecks.  You'd never know it to look at them.  You have to dig deep to understand them and to help them move forward.  Most of the time we're successful; sometimes we're not.  Just like some people win their battle with depression and mental illness and some don't.  Here in the Tenches.

R.I.P. Caitlyn Shuy.  You will be missed more than you know.