Divorce Can Be Like Disney's Princess Half Marathon Weekend - If You Let It

It is almost time for the Disney Princess Half Marathon weekend.  That is the weekend each year where Daughter and I run a 10K on Saturday and a half marathon on Sunday.  I love to run, so I train for the races.  Daughter hates running with a passion, so she runs almost not at all prior to the big day.  Yes, she is a talented personal trainer, but aerobics is not her thing.  The running part of the weekend usually goes great on Saturday, but on Sunday, my baby is dragging.  She is miserable.  She hurts, she complains about running, and she does the race anyway. One of us usually gets sick afterward from the stress on our bodies.   Every year.  She posted Friday on Facebook that Princess Weekend is her favorite weekend of the year, bar none.  How can that be? She gets up before dawn on two days of our four day weekend to do the thing she absolutely despises and which makes her body hurt.  How can this weekend be her favorite?  Easy.  First, she runs it with me.  It's not that I am the best running companion, and in fact, I get a little aggressive at those people who don't follow the rules.  It's that we do it together. Second, we have made it our thing.  We meet the characters and get our pictures taken.  She out kicks me to the finish line every time.  Funny thing is, it's only been our thing for 6 years, and one year she couldn't run and we both missed doing it together.  Third, we spend the weekend with family.  Now to many people, that might not be a plus, but to us it is.  We get to spend time with my Mom, which we always love and try to do often.  We also spend time with my aunt and cousins, and that we only usually do at Christmastime.  I don't know about you, but as much as I love the holidays, they are a bit hectic and stressful, so it's nice to spend some down time with those folks. Fourth, we are at our favorite place - Disney World.  Even though we only go to the parks one day of the weekend, we usually do something special.  Disney wants everyone to have a magical vacation, and it feels good to be in a happy place, especially with people we love.  Finally, we know that none of the above would actually happen if we didn't have these particular races to run every single year.  That alone makes all the pain and physical misery worth it for her.

I had breakfast with a friend from the Trenches today, and we were talking about divorce.  She was saying how it really bothered her that so many of us in the Trenches only focus on the negative aspects of divorce.  We both recognize that there are plenty of negatives.  There are, however, a lot of positives as well.  For so many people, divorce represents a new beginning.  It is a time to reinvent themselves.  It is a time to configure the family relationship into one they always wanted but didn't have.  It is a time to start over and do things differently the second time.  As we talked, I thought a lot about so many of my clients over the years.  What I thought was that there were quite a few people who were unable to see anything positive coming from their divorce.  The majority, however, recognized that it was better to live life with someone who wanted to be with you rather than someone who didn't, and who saw, as time went on,  opportunities rising from their divorce which would never have happened had they remained with their spouse. They became the parent they wanted to be; their spouse became a better parent.  They were able to shift gears and do things their spouse never wanted and explore other interests.  They could take their life in a whole different direction.  Yes, divorce sucks.   Realizing your marriage has ended is awful.  The process is painful and time consuming.  The emotional toll on you and your family is immense.  The process itself is miserable.  The entire experience of uncoupling doesn't have to be negative.  Divorce can bring with it new opportunities that would never have presented themselves otherwise and new chances to do better and different as life moves on to a new chapter.   I know it's hard to think that way when you're in the midst of the process, but I hope you will save the idea some space and explore it once you're done.  It's how Daughter thinks Princess weekend is her favorite of the year.  Here in the Trenches.