Valentine's Day Gifts From Here in the Trenches

Valentine's Day is this week.  What are you going to get your beloved?  For most people, flowers, cards, chocolates and a nice dinner are thought of as lovely gifts.  Although those are nice, those are not the gifts those of us in the Trenches would like you to get this holiday.  Here are a few of my favorite Valentine's Day gifts.  I'm warning you, they're not sexy, but they will go a long way to keeping you out of my office.

1.  A deep discussion about finances.  OK, you want to buy something to go with that, I understand.  How about a book like Official Money Guide for Couples?  Don't just hand it to your significant other; have a conversation around money.  Anyone who works here in the Trenches will tell you that most of the people we see never talk about money.  They don't discuss whether their accounts should be joint or separate.  They don't talk about debt and how each of them feels about it (much less how much debt each of them has) and paying for it.  They don't talk about expectations for their financial future:  will one of them stay home with the children; how will they feel if one of them earns more that the other; what happens if one of them has to relocate for work?  What will you do if you don't agree (and maybe you already don't)?

2.  As you gaze at your sweetie over the candles at dinner, it's also time to talk about children.  Do you want them?  When is the right time?  How many?  What if you can't get pregnant easily?  What about IVF and adoption?  What if your child is seriously ill or disabled in some way?  What religion will they be, and how religious?  How will the two of you divide the caregiving duties?  Who will care for the children when you're not home?  What are your views on discipline?  Maybe you could watch "Parenthood" together and talk about the episodes?  Here is where you can buy the complete boxed series.

3.  You've heard of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages?  What about his other book, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married?  If you're thinking of popping the question, there's no better conversation starter.  Don't believe me?  Get War of the Roses or Mrs. Doubtfire instead.

4.  Just put down your cell phone and your iPad and turn off the television.  Most couples talk for less than half an hour a day.  That number decreases as the number of years of marriage increases.  Remember when you used to stay up all night talking?  Remember when deep conversations were a sexual turn on?  This Valentine's Day, give your beloved the gift of you.  You might get lucky.

Happy Valentine's Day.  Here in the Trenches.