Expectations

A client came into the office today.  We had a 3.5 hour meeting.  I thought it was a good meeting.  We narrowed witnesses, went over testimony and discussed possible strategy for trial.  We got a lot accomplished.  He, on the other hand, called the office fifteen minutes after our meeting and said he didn't feel like we accomplished anything.  Isn't it funny how two people can view the same situation so differently?  It all has to do with expectations.  My client knows nothing about the law, and he has no clue how the legal process works.  He thinks that lawyers have far more power to effectuate a settlement than we do, and that the judge knows more about their case beforehand than they do.  I, on the other hand, know the limits of what lawyers can do and judges know.  I understand how the legal process works, and what is necessary to resolve a case.  Our respective knowledge created divergent expectations.  We need to back up and share the information necessary for us to understand each other's perspective.
So it is with marriages themselves.  When two people marry, they bring with them a lifetime of experiences.  Those experiences give rise to divergent expectations of what marriage means, how a couple interacts, and what behaviors are acceptable.  In the marriages we see here in the Trenches, the members of the couple did not communicate, either to discover that their expectations diverged, or the reasons why.   Genuine curiosity about what makes their spouse ticks, and open communication about what they know and how they know it, could save a lot of visits to the Trenches.  When was the last time you asked your spouse questions, followed up, and really listened to the answers?  Here in the Trenches.