Hate Thy Neighbor

I have neighbors I can't stand. Sure, I have neighbors I like, but I also have ones I despise.  Why, you ask? If I have a small pile of leaves in my driveway, they call the homeowners' association and I get a letter.  If I leave my recycling bin out an extra day, they call the homeowners' association and I get a letter.  If I get a large delivery and the box sits in my driveway until recycling day,  you guessed it - they call the homeowners' association and I get a letter.  At one point, I was getting one or two letters a month.  It made me angry.  I would see one of those letters, and my blood would boil.  I considered reporting the neighbors' violations (have you ever notice how people in glass houses usually throw stones?).  My responses to the homeowners' association were less than kind.  Then, I stopped and took a deep breath.  My getting angry wasn't going to stop my neighbors' behavior.  It wasn't the homeowners' association's fault my neighbors are jerks.  The only person suffering from all of this was me.  Well, that had to stop, and the only behavior I could control was mine.  So I did.  Now, when I get those darn letters, I respond with humor.  I try to think of some fun way to respond.  Not only do I feel better, but my relationship with the homeowners' association has also improved.  My neighbors?  Oh, nothing will fix that, but I don't care.

Here in the Trenches, our clients also have annoying neighbors, only they call them ex or soon to be ex spouses.  Their nasty neighbors bad mouth them to people who shun them, fire them and judge them.  Our clients feel persecuted.  They feel that they've been judged wrongfully.  They fight back.  They fight fire with fire.  Nothing gets better.  Their "neighbor" doesn't stop the smear campaign.  Heck, the clients don't even feel better for fighting back.  The ones who do end up feeling better are the ones who change their attitude and realize that the only way to heal is from within.  They adjust the way they view their neighbor's annoyance and react to it in a way that defuses instead of enhances the rage.  Then they can move on.  Here in Trenches.