TMI

You are getting a divorce.  You are in the middle of a custody dispute.  Emotions are high.  Emotions color what you say, how you say it and how it's heard.  The more you say to your former spouse or the other parent, the greater likelihood you will be misunderstood.  That seems so simple, doesn't it?  It's almost intuitive.  Why then, do our clients continue to provide too much information?   Why do they throw in gratuitous jabs, snarky remarks, begging and pleading?   We here in the Trenches have a lot of work.  We have plenty to do on a daily basis without acting as the email police because our clients say too much in a way that is guaranteed to start the next world war.  Bill Eddy, my favorite writer and speaker on all people high conflict, has written a book, BIFF, which sets out the right way to email when you are in the Trenches, or just out there living life.  (If you click on the title, it will take you to the order form for the book.)  It is a gem of a book, and if more clients would read, we here in the Trenches could spend more time resolving the dispute and less time refereeing it.  BIFF is a cute little acronym for how a good email is written.  It is Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm, or as Joe Friday used to say on Dragnet, "Just the facts, ma'am." His method takes the emotion out of the text, and enables the recipient to hear the message without the emotional overlay.  All those electronic encounters become more businesslike and rational.  What's funny is that once the emails become more neutral, the emotions of the case start to calm down.   Psychologists call it behavior modification therapy.  I call it faking it until you make.  Whatever its name, it works.  Here in the Trenches.