I'm the Process Girl

One of my all time favorite movies is Pretty Woman.  I am a sucker for the Cinderella story.  One of my many favorite scenes from the movie occurs at the beginning, when Julia Roberts is just meeting Richard Gere.  There they are, in Richard Gere's hotel room negotiating for services, when Jullia whips out a handful of condoms and asks him to pick one.  Does he want a color or a texture, or the big gold one, the condom of champions.  She tells him:  "I'm the safety girl."

When I meet with a new client,  I think of Julia in that scene,  because "I'm the process girl."  To me, it is ALL about the process.  You would think that when new clients come in my door and all I do is explore process choices with them in that first meeting, they would be unhappy.  That's not the case.  In fact, I had two new clients this week.  One came in completely overwhelmed.  Not only is her marriage ending, but she also has huge responsibilities toward aging parents and grown children.  She didn't know which way to go and what to do.  Everything was swirling.  I obtained some basic information and then started discussing process with her.  Not just the choice of mediation, collaboration, negotiation or litigation, but the process of organizing her tasks, formulating the content of her communications with her husband,  thinking about her priorities now and into the future, and working to slow down and normalize what was happening to a manageable speed and set of tasks.  She left with some direction and peace of mind.  The second was overwhelmed by emotion.  She was angry and hurt and lashing out.  Again, listening to her and really hearing her story as part of a discussion of process, made her feel heard and understood and grounded her in thinking of her situation in terms of a set of actions that needed to occur.   She left with a plan of next steps.  Finally, I mediated today.  The couple had little to fight over, but they were coming at a solution from two different places, one emotional and the other practical.  For them, too, we discussed process, made a plan for gathering and assessing information, and set another appointment to mediate.  We'll get them to the finish line as well, because they have a plan to help them move forward.

If you think about it, we're trained here in the Trenches to formulate and follow a plan.  That's really what litigation is - a plan formalized by the judiciary to resolve disputes.  It has a series of steps and phases, as well as rules to guide what is done at each.  The difference between all the processes is who makes the decision and how it's made.  People often default to litigation, not because they're angry or unreasonable, but because they don't know or can't organize what needs to be done into a process that works for them, and their attorneys don't work hard enough to help them.  So, I'll keep on being "the process girl," if you don't mind.