Can We Dance?

There are days I look at this screen and wonder why exactly it is that I've committed to writing this blog.  It's especially hard when life is crazy, the cases overwhelming, this darn cold hanging on, the weather cold,....Well, you get the picture.  Still, I've made a commitment to this, and I'll be darned if I won't keep it.  Guess it runs in the family.  I went home this past weekend to see my folks.  Dad is doing a bit better.  Thank you for asking.  It's so hard to know what helps and what doesn't because he doesn't talk.  What they're doing now is good.  He's smiling and follows what's going on around him.  Mom is getting out more, and having more of a normal life.  I say more of a normal life, because her normal has changed forever with Dad's decline.  In fact, she wrenched my heart when she told me that her greatest fear was that something would happen to her while Dad was still alive, because her job's not done yet.  You see, as I've said before, Mom is much younger than Dad.  She knew the day would come where her main job was to take care of him,  It's part of what she signed up for when she married him (my Mom was pretty mature for a young thing in her early 20s).  Part of her commitment to him and to this marriage was caring for him in his old age, in making sure he was cared for in his own home and having as normal a life as possible for the rest of his life.  Her fear is that she won't be able to physically follow through on her commitment.  What's funny is that Dad was just like that, back when he was able.
As I look at them and wonder at the success of their marriage, what I see is two people who know how to dance.  To dance well, one person has to lead and the other has to follow.  If you've ever seen two people try to lead, you know all you have is a funny looking dance in which no one is having any fun.   When I was little, Dad seemed like the dominant one in their relationship.  Mom stayed home and raised us (no easy feat - we were not easy children).  Mom always used to joke that no one knew who she was, other than as Dad's wife, and in fact, when he wasn't around, folks couldn't seem to place her.  Well, the children grew up, as children usually do.  Mom and Dad's relationship changed as well.  Mom began, with Dad's support, to get more involved in the community and in causes for which she felt passion.  Soon, it was Mom, and not Dad, who was chairing committees, being president of organizations.  Then, it was Dad who became known as Mom's husband, and not the other way around.  The best thing about it was that it was Dad who supported Mom in all of this, in much the same way Mom supported him when they were younger.  Dad was just as proud of Mom's accomplishments as Mom had been of Dad's.  My parents understood that each of their accomplishments shone on both of them, and when one of them succeeded, they both did. I can't say their dance was always perfect, but it usually looked pretty good from where I sat (and sit).  Dancing is a lost art.  Too bad most of our clients never learned how.  Here in the Trenches.