I have to admit that I'm a sucker for self-help books. I love them. I love the quick chapters, the kernels of common sense , the positive outlook. One of my first favorites was Stephen Covey. I loved his books. I think I read every one of them. He said so many things that apply to the Trenches. One thing he discussed was trust. He talked about trust like making deposits in a bank. In a relationship, we are continually making deposits and withdrawals from the relationship trust bank. The funny thing about the trust bank is that each deposit is small, and so the balance in the account adds up slowly. Then people make withdrawals, when they do things that destroy trust, the withdrawals are huge. It takes far less time to destroy trust than to build it. Trust, once destroyed, is hard to regain. Isn't that the truth? So much of what we see here in the Trenches can be traced back to the trust bank account of the relationship. By the time our clients reach us, the balance in the account is low, the desire to make deposits is low, but the need to work together to survive going forward is high. Not a good combination. That's when another of Covey's quotations springs to mind: “It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgment. But people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake.” A sincere apology goes a long way toward rebuilding trust. A apology is all the more powerful at a time in which it is the most difficult to say, such as during a divorce or other legal dispute. Apologies are hard - it is not easy to admit you were wrong, especially when that admission could be used against you. It takes a brave person to make a sincere apology during a legal dispute. The effect is priceless. Are you brave enough to say you're sorry and really mean it? I hope so. Here in the Trenches.
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