This is a tale of two women. First, there's Puppy Girl. Puppy Girl has decided that the only dog food she will eat is homemade by her mommy, and only if it is made a certain way. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of my Dad in the last 5 years of his life - if you had let him, he would have eaten New England Clam Chowder for 3 meals a day, every day. Anyway, I tried making a variation on the usual theme. She refused to eat it. I thought if she got hungry enough, she'd decide it was acceptable. Nope. I made another just slight variation on the theme. Still no dice. She was not going to eat until she got what she wanted, even if it meant she starved to death. I have to tell you, Puppy Boy and her parents were all mighty nervous. NO worries, I made the old recipe, and she is again taking sustenance.
Second, there's me. As you all know, Daughter is trying to
Puppy Girl and I are like most of our clients, here in the Trenches. Some of them, like Puppy Girl, want what they want, when they want it. That they are not going to get it is beside the point. If they can't get what they want, they will settle for getting nothing. In other words, they will cut off their noses to spite their faces. With these folks, it doesn't matter how many times we explain that they can't get what they want, invite them to look at things a different way, or adjust their expectations to what is possible. They don't listen, and mulishly hold onto their delusions. Then, they are surprised and unhappy when they don't get what they want, and in fact, end up with far less than they should. You know who they blame when that happens - not them, that's for sure.
Other clients are like me. They have thought about what they want for an end result. They have worked with us, their therapist, their families and friends, to envision what the future should look like. Once they have that vision, they work with us to determine how best to reach their desired result. They break it into small steps (or let us break it down for them), and they work through each part. They know that sometimes the individual phase doesn't seem like it will bring them to their desired goal, but they trust in the advice of their professionals, much as I trust Daughter's advice. They know that by sticking to the plan, they have their best opportunity of reaching their goals. We love those clients. Here in the Trenches.