As you all know by now, every year, Daughter and I run the Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend at Disney World in Florida. In late February. The weather in late February in Central Florida is much like the weather in the rest of the country - unpredictable. You would think as a Florida native, I would remember that, but I don't always. Such was the case a few years ago, when Disney named their Princess weekend for Frozen. It certainly was - frozen. The temperature for the 10K was below freezing. Did I bring appropriate clothing? Heavens no. I brought shorts and floppy sparkle skirts. What to do? Well, we could run in our planned costumes and looked adorable and frozen. We could have not run. Lucky for us, two things happened. First, we stopped at the outlets for our usual shop on the way to the race. What is usually on sale at Florida outlets? Cold weather gear, of course, and I used the opportunity to stock up on some things I needed to run in the fall and winter. I had them with me, in all their technicolor glory. Second, the rest of our family ran the morning before in the 5K, when it was even colder, and Disney thoughtfully supplied them with warming mylar blankets, which they saved for us. Daughter and I looked a little goofy (no pun intended), our costumes were totally messed up, but we made do with what we had and were able to run without freezing off body parts because running the race and doing it together was what was important. That's life.
That's also life in the Trenches. Many times here in the Trenches, one party wants something the other isn't willing to give. It might be money for support. It might be time with the children. Whatever it is, that party isn't going to get what they want at that moment. They may, however, get something less.....for now. For now doesn't mean forever. It really means for now. So what happens when the party says what they want and the other says they won't give that but they will give something else? Usually, the first reaction is to say "no." "No" is really the wrong answer. I really don't care if the other party is being totally and completely unreasonable. Saying "no" is like throwing the baby out with the bath water. I want the children half the time; you want me to have the children every other weekend. If I say "no," not only don't I see the children half the time, I don't see them at all. I want $1,000 in support; you want to pay $500. If I say "no," I not only don't get $1,000, I don't get anything. Making do with something temporarily, even if it's not everything you want, is probably better than nothing.
Wait a minute, you say. Are you telling me to give in to that dictator? Are you telling me not to fight for what I want? Are you saying I should just cave in? Of course not. However, if you have no court date for 3 months, or you just separated, or the attorneys haven't had an opportunity to help you determine and resolve the issues, then making do with what you have while making sure the other party knows that it is under protest and only because something is better than nothing, may be what you have to do to stay in the running and continue to move forward. You're doing it for now, and only for now, and maybe that "now" has a defined time limit. Honestly, do you want to tell a judge that because you couldn't get your way, you just decided not to see the kids? Or would you rather show a judge how unreasonable the other parent was and that you took what time you could because being with your children was important to you? Would you rather have the other parent say you are incapable of caring for the children without the ability to disprove their statement, or would you rather you take less time and make them eat their words? Again, defining your goals early on and deciding what is most important to you, will help you determine whether saying "no," even just for now, is the right choice, or if settling for something less than ideal in the short term will further your goals. The knee jerk reaction is not usually the better course, and even those of us who toil here have to remind ourselves of that. Here in the Trenches.
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