Saturday, September 1, 2018

Divorce Decision Overload AKA Analysis Paralysis


I have a real love/hate relationship with technology.  Sure, I need it, and when it works, it’s great.  When it doesn’t work, it’s a nightmare.  Many moons ago, actually at least a decade, I decided I had enough clients that I need case management software to manage my contacts, check for conflicts, keep my electronic client files in one location, automate documents.  I did my research, exhaustively.  I read everything I could on the various software.  I talked to everyone who had the software about what they liked and disliked.  I went to the ABA TechShow and talked to the vendors and played with the software.  I made my choice.  It has not worked as well as I hoped.  Every year, they updated the software, and when they did, it changed the data fields, so I had to hire a consultant at thousands of dollars every year to fix it.  I stopped updating.  They sold the company to one of the big legal data companies.  That company updated again, plus refused to provide support if you didn’t subscribe to annual updates.  Well, given all I went through, I wasn’t going to do that.  So, I have sat for many years, not really happy, but not sure what to do about it.  It works well enough, but it’s not great.  I’m not really happy.

Given that everyone in my office, including me at times, is not physically in the office, we made it possible for everyone to hop on our server remotely.  Given, however, that the power tends to go out at the office periodically and throws the server offline, that system isn’t perfect and I thank goodness one of us lives within walking distance of the office to turn it back on.  I thought we could migrate up into the cloud, that we could move all of our data into a new online service that would solve all our problems.  Then I started talking to others, reading reviews, reading comments, and realized the cloud systems are no better than what I have.  Plus, they charge a pretty hefty fee each month for my four users.  So, I feel stuck.  Actually, I feel paralyzed.  It hurts to stay, but it may be worse to leave.

The story sounds familiar, doesn’t it, not because we all have a love/hate relationship with technology, but because it sure sounds like I’m talking about leaving a marriage.  For so many of the folks who come into my office, this is their story.  They dated their spouse a long time before marrying. Their spouse seemed to have all the things they wanted in a mate.  Their families liked them.  Then they got married, and it didn’t work out quite as they planned.  Maybe their spouse wasn’t who they seemed to be.  Maybe their spouse changed.  Maybe their needs changed. Whatever it was, things weren’t great.  They weren’t awful, but they had the sense they could be better.  They tried to make things work - they went to counseling, had date nights, spent time alone.  Still not great, but not bad enough to do anything.  Then that new person at work seemed to like them; they sort of connected, even though they would never cheat.  It made them think that maybe there’s someone else out there with whom they could be happier?  But what if they’re not happier?  Then what?  They’ll be alone; they’ll have torn their family apart for nothing.  Maybe it’s better to just stay where they are?  

What’s a client to do? What am I to do?  For me, I’m going to keep researching and asking questions, of colleagues, vendors, and techs.  I figure one day there will be that one thing that makes my decision for me, either to go or to stay.  That’s how it always is.  On that day, and not before, I will decide. Then, I will be at peace with my decision; I will stop feeling angst and face the exhaustive process of either migrating my system or making do with what I have.  


That is why I am, at times, exactly the same as my clients.  Certainly, many of them have reached that point of decision when they walk in my office.  Many more, however, are still ambivalent. They’re not positive they want their marriage to end or the custody to change.  With those people, I spend a lot of time exploring what they really need right then, what they will need to know in order to make their final decision, how they can gather that information, and how I can help them tolerate and manage the uncertainty.  Going into the Trenches can be a grueling process, and it can be worse if you’re not sure that’s what you want to do.  Sometimes a lawyer can help you move forward even if moving forward is staying where you are and being comfortable with it.  We have a lot more experience than our clients in managing uncertainty, analyzing options and helping them find creative solutions.  Your lawyer - not just when you’re sure you want to divorce.  Here in the Trenches.

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