It's the Little Things

Have you ever noticed that it's not the big things that make a difference, but the little ones?  Of course, I'm down here with Mom and Dad.  As you know from reading this blog, there have been a lot of major things that have gone on with them recently.  Those major things have caused a lot of changes in their (and my) lives.  Once we got past the big things, however, it's been the little things that have made the difference in how they live their lives.  The personality of the care provider, the frequency of meals and snacks, the temperature of the house, along with many other little pieces of the structure of the day, have a huge impact on how the day goes, not only for Dad, but for everyone else in the house as well.  The good days add up to weeks, and all of our attitudes and outlooks are affected by whether those days are good or bad.  You notice, I don't mention whether we have emotional support or not, because with or without it, if the structure of the day doesn't go well, those emotional supports have little impact.  Being a part of this reminds me, of course (even on vacation), of the Trenches.  Separation and Divorce are major events, and they cause major changes in our clients' lives.  There'a a lot of upheaval that comes with the decision to separate or divorce.  Our clients are emotional messes (that's a clinical term).  Most of them think that if they only had the support of their family and friends, along with a good therapist, everything will be fine.  The emotional support of those we love and who love us (or are trained to help us through trauma) is very important, to be sure.  What we've found here in the Trenches is that it's not what makes the difference in how well our clients do in the short haul.  What makes the difference in our client's lives is creating a new schedule and rhythm for their lives, one that flows in a different way than it did before but that flows nonetheless and is in sync with their new reality.  There is enough in their lives which is not on an even keel while they are in the Trenches; their daily schedule is a quick, palpable change and a signal to them that everything will eventually feel normal.  It's the little things that make the difference in how you view the big changes, and nowhere is that more true than here in the Trenches.