The Third Story

In any conflict, there are three stories.  In divorce, each spouse has a story of the marriage, what went right and what went wrong and why.  The most important story is the third story - that's the one told by the professionals in the case.  What is the third story?  It's a combination of the spouse's stories, with the addition of the impartial view of the professionals and their analysis of the underlying emotions and motivations.  Why is it important?  It seems like that should be obvious, but it's not.  If all you have is two opposing stories, two rams butting horns with each other, the conflict never ends:  the opposing sides continue to fight until exhausted.  When you add the third story, a shared vision emerges, and it's no longer two opposing forces but one entity with a problem or set of problems that need resolution.  The conflict no longer feels hopeless.  All because of the addition of perspective of the professionals and their training and experience with individuals in conflict.  When someone tells you lawyers only make conflict worse, think of the third story.  We do every day - here in the Trenches.