Nobody forced you to eat that extra scoop of ice cream, the candy bar on the road, McDonald's drive through at lunch. All of those little choices put an extra 20 pounds on your frame. You can't diet one day and lose it all; you can't run one mile or swim one lap and look like a supermodel. Losing that 20 pounds (and keeping it off) takes a mental shift, lifestyle changes and hard work. What I've just said is not a revelation to most people. That's why I'm hard pressed when clients expect that if they just leave their spouse, their life will be immediately and permanently different - like magic. It won't, without all of the same hard internal work that comes with losing those 20 pounds. If you chose an abusive, dismissive, or needy spouse before, unless you learn what it is about you that finds that type of person attractive, your next spouse will probably be just the same. If you have an alcohol, substance or other addiction, it took you years to get to the point where it is a huge problem, and it will take you years and a lot of introspection about your triggers to recover fully; a two or six month program is the beginning and not the end. I know it's human nature to want pain to go away, to want problems to resolve, and to want to avoid the hard work. It's human nature that makes us lie to ourselves about what we need to be happy and fulfilled. Sometimes, you just have to fight against human nature. Sure it's hard, but the results are worth it. After all, how many trips do you want to make to the Trenches?
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