OMG!

In case it isn't obvious, divorce is hard.  It's hard for the leaver, who often agonizes for years over whether to leave or not.  They worry over hurting their spouse and their children.  They wonder what everyone they know and love will think of them.  They grieve the loss of extended family. They worry over finances and the future.  When they finally tell the leavee, it's a shock and surprise.  Even if they should have seen it coming, they almost never do.  Yet, now that the divorce process has started, they are expected to go along with the current, and let it carry them to the end.  They're not ready.  They didn't want it.  They haven't had time to get used to the idea, to work out all the details like the leaver.  Plus, they have to deal with the overwhelming emotion that accompanies the shock and the loss.  they apologize for not being able to get past it, to move on.  After all, it's been a year, a year and a half, two years already.  Then they see that the leaver is doing fine, so why aren't they?  That makes them angry, even angrier at their spouse.  They are furious.  They can hardly control themselves with their fury.  Eventually, they see what is happening and begin to recover and move on with their lives - we hope.  Here in the Trenches.