Getting Past "Groundhog Day"

As you all know, Daughter is a fabulous personal trainer, and she is my fabulous personal trainer.  I was complaining talking to Daughter a few weeks ago about the continued dimpled look of parts of my legs despite the muscles being tight and firm as a result of her excellent training.  After all. I was doing what she told me to do, so why was gravity seeming to win?  Daughter patiently explained to me that exercise wasn't enough: I had to make sure my diet was high in protein and lower in carbohydrates and fats.  "Poppycock," I said to her.  I eat a balanced diet with plenty of protein.  She challenged me to track my food intake on one of those new apps.  I did.  You know what I found - a diet high in carbohydrates and fats and low in protein.  I hate it when the child is right.  So, now I'm eating a different diet, and we'll keep track of the results.  Already, I feel less sluggish and more energetic.

If you've been reading this blog long enough, you know there's a lesson or two here that we can bring with us to the Trenches.  The overarching piece here is that we do not always perceive ourselves accurately.  I thought I was eating a balanced diet.  My clients think that their fault in the breakup of their marriage is so much less than their spouse's.  My repeat clients thought that their first divorce was simply a "one off," and that they chose better the next time.  My clients think the other spouse is the one being unreasonable.  Many think there is no possibility they and their spouse will ever be able to agree on anything.  Part of my job is like Daughter's.  I help my clients take a look at where they are and why from the perspective of someone else.  I help them look hard at their contributions to the marriage and its demise.  I work with them to recall times in which they and their spouse agreed on anything, as a building block to future agreements.  I invite them to work with a therapist to uncover why they chose the spouse they did, and what they can do to improve the odds of relationship success I the future.  I encourage them to take responsibility for their role in the marriage and its aftermath.  It's the only way their future lives will be the success they want, and the only possibility for complete healing.  Here in the Trenches.