Negotiation

There's a reason for the saying that a person who represents himself has a fool for a lawyer.  Never has that been driven home to me so forcefully as now.  No, I'm not representing myself.  What I am doing is negotiating to purchase an office.  You would think that, as I negotiate for a living, this would be a piece of cake.  Except it's not.  It's excruciating.  When I negotiate for clients, I am in my element.  I understand tax consequences (not perfectly, but enough for a ball park, and enough to know I need to consult with a tax professional), equity, and weighing options.  I know what's worth a fight, and how to monetize a return on investing in going to trial versus settling.  I know the value of a house and how to measure it.  You would think it would be easy to determine the value of an office building, to know how to measure it and to know what is a fair price.  If I were negotiating for you, no problem.  Negotiating for me is completely different because it introduces the emotional element.  What if I pay too much?  What if I miss an issue?  What if this is the wrong decision?

The emotions completely change the decision making process.  They make it much harder to assess the options.  How do I deal with this anxiety?  Probably differently from the next guy, but when I feel anxious, information reduces my anxiety.  I ask the people who know the subject matter - in this case, my usual appraiser, my banker.  I ask my friends, especially the ones who have negotiated leases and purchased commercial real estate.  Everybody has given me a piece of information so that I can make my own decision.

 Isn't this what our clients do?  They reduce their anxiety in a variety of ways, and one of the usual ways is to talk about their issues and elicit help resolving them.  Why is it that when clients do this, we cringe?  Because my emotionality is related to simply the stress of making one finite decision.  Our clients are emotional 24/7.  Their lives are in turmoil and emotional stress is their constant companion.  So, although I am emotional about one issue, I am unemotional enough in general to be able to identify the source of my stress and what I need to do to resolve it.  Our clients are so stressed that not only are they unable to identify the source of their stress, they are incapable of pinpointing what they need to do to resolve it.  Because of that, they cannot distill useful information from the useless and the harmful.  If we help our clients reduce their stress level in general, and help them feel safe, then they are better to tell us what they need to help themselves and help us help them.  It's probably the most vital part of our job, because without it we can't know what is important to the client and how to help them meet their goals.  What calms and relaxes your clients?  Shouldn't you find out?