Here in the Trenches, we're very used to self-sabotage; it happens all the time. The most interesting thing about it is that the ones who get in their own way have no clue that's what they're doing. Even when we point it out to them, they don't see it. As I watched yet another person undermine himself today, I thought about why. As my thoughts coalesced, they fell into a few different categories. There are the people, out high conflict folks, who really think that what they're doing is well reasoned and designed to help them reach their stated goals. Then, there are the people who are afraid, afraid of the conflict being over, afraid of not getting what they want, or afraid of getting what they want. With these folks, the closer the conflict comes to being at an end, the more anxious they become, and the worse their behavior. Usually, that behavior is only marginally related to the conflict, but it serves to destroy any hope of a successful resolution. That way, when things go to hell in a hand basket, which almost always happens, it's because the world is unfair, no one really heard them, or there is no justice. In short, self sabotage allows the folks who practice it to never reach their goals and to blame it on outside forces. A win-win for a lose-lose, so to speak. Because they didn't actually lose on the merits of their cause, it leaves them free to fight again another day and to be able to say with a straight face that they have never lost. People are interesting - here in the Trenches.
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