Character Building and the Wrestling Mat

Sometimes just showing up to make you a winner.  As you all know, my son is a high school teacher and wrestling coach in Prince George's County, Maryland.  His school has a strong wrestling program, thanks to a dedicated group of adults.  Many of the schools in the county are like that.  For some, however, for whatever reason, the wrestling program is weak.  Of the 14 possible weight classes, these schools have wrestlers in 3 or 4 of them only.  My son's school has 14.  The winners of wrestling meets are determined by the points earned in each weight class.  If you do the math, you've figured out that even if each of the 3 or 4 wrestlers on these teams with weak programs earn the maximum number of points, their team will still lose - every time, unless they wrestle another team with 3 or 4 wrestlers.  Yet, the wrestlers on these teams show up to every match and wrestle as well as they can.  Even when they lose, I think just showing up makes them winners.  How many of us could step out on the mat twice a week and commit to doing our best even when there is no hope of victory for our team?  Sure, the individual wrestlers with the best records can win individual glory at the county, regional and state tournaments at the end of the season, but the operative words here are "end of the season."  In the meantime, they show up with their tiny teams and give it their all. You have to admire the dedication.  It's easy to be a good sport when you're winning.  It's easy to pull together for the team when the team is large and strong.  It's easier to take losing well when you don't lose very often.  In my book, "easy" doesn't help us grow and improve; adversity does that.  It makes you look inside yourself for validation and not to others.  In the long run, that's not a bad thing.

Oh heavens, is she saying that it's OK to lose everything in my divorce and I should be happy about it?  No, of course not.  Let's be frank, however.  Most divorces are hard.  They are emotionally draining.  They are difficult transitions.  They bring a lot of change.  Some people have really strong teams of family, friends and professionals on their side to support them through it.  Others do not.  What's funny is that you would think that the ones with a lot of support do better during and after divorce.  You'd be incorrect.  Sure, a lot do.  What I've found, however, is that the ones with less support are like those weak wrestling teams.  They show up for meetings and court with just their attorney and maybe one friend, but they show up.  They are more engaged in resolving their dispute because no one else will do it for them.  They look to themselves to work through the obstacles.  They make the hard decisions by themselves and live with the consequences, knowing whatever it is, it's what they chose.  They have no one to blame but themselves.  After all, what choice do they have?  It's harder for them than the clients with a lot of support. These folks tend to leverage the support they have in a way that is effective for them.  They are more likely to work with their professionals as part of a team.  In the end, they amaze themselves at what they can do and how much they learned from working their way through the Trenches.  They are living proof that adversity can make you strong.   Here in the Trenches.