The "F" Word

This past weekend, there were 7 of us at Disney for the Princess Half Marathon weekend.  We were all there to have fun.  We all did have fun, a lot of it.  The interesting thing is that if you asked us to tell you what we meant by "fun," you would have gotten 3 different answers.  For my Mom, "fun" meant spending time with family and friends, enjoying good food, riding a few select rides, and not standing in long lines in big crowds.  For my Aunt and 2 cousins, "fun" meant spending time with family and friends, enjoying good food, and cramming as many rides as possible into each day at the parks.  For the 3 runners, "fun" meant spending time with family and friends, enjoying good food, getting to bed early, soaking in the experience of the Princess races and enjoying the race.  Our three definitions of "fun" have some characteristics in common, but they are very different.  We all had fun.  Think what kind of a time we would have had if we had expected that everyone in our group had the same definition of fun.  Mom would have been miserable wading through the crowds to ride on just one more ride.  My Aunt would have felt she was missing out on the experience of the parks if she had only ridden a few rides.  I would have resented missing out on the race experience for the sake of a couple of rides.  The point is that if all of us had expected the others to share our definition of "fun," we would have all had a terrible time.

Here in the Trenches, we have another "f" word:  fair.  Every client who walks in my door says they want to be fair, they just want what's fair.  They use that word as though everyone gave that word the same definition.  Kind of like the word "fun," isn't it?  Sure is.  The difficulty arises because the client usually thinks their spouse defines "fair" the same as they.  The spouse usually doesn't.  If the client holds onto the concept of "fair" and the notion that word means the same thing to everyone, then they are destined to be disappointed and frustrated from start to finish.  Besides, it's not really about what's fair, because it's not fair to sign up for happily ever after and find out that ever after is not forever.  It's about what is acceptable.  "Acceptable" is an easier word, because most people understand that what is acceptable is particular to each person and is not universal.  Changing the word changes the focus and removes the emotions that go with the word "fair."  Because, really, the choice of words means everything.  Here in the Trenches.