The Legacy of the Divorce

Divorce is tough, really tough.  Most people expect that when they divorce their spouse, things will be different.  Some of those changes are good, others are positively awful.  We expect some of the awful ones:  loneliness, missing your children when they're with the other parent, and living on less money.  Others are a terrible surprise, and those surprises are what can make a divorce feel worse than a death.  People who you thought were your friends suddenly aren't anymore:  some of them take your spouse's side, and others are uncomfortable being around divorces, as if it could be contagious.  Then there're the stories, we all have them, and our views of the world shape them.  Who was at fault; who is a witch, a jerk; who's a better parent; who did more to make the marriage work.  The problem with those stories is that in the telling, they become exaggerated.  With audience feedback, they become entrenched.  As time goes by, they become distorted, so that bad behavior becomes evil deeds, the villain becomes the martyr, and the saint becomes the sinner.  Even normally self aware individuals fall prey to the rewriting of the divorce; education and insight are no defense to its powers.  It takes a lot of work to get past the trauma of divorce, both the obvious and the not so obvious.   Before you leave, be sure you're up to the challenge.