High Conflict People

We often joke here in the Trenches that without high conflict people, we would be out of work.  OK, it's really not a joke.  I'm not a mental health professional, but the folks we call "high conflict," they call Axis II.  For those of you who don't read the DSM-IV (the diagnostic manual for psychological professionals) for pleasure, the Axis II people are the ones with personality disorders.  A disproportionate number of family law clients either have or should have an Axis II diagnosis, or they are married to someone who fits that description.  What makes these people so difficult?  To start with, it is NEVER their fault:  it doesn't matter what "it" is; it's not their fault.  Well then, whose fault is it?  Probably yours, if you're interacting with them.    Their target of blame could be anyone.  In family law disputes, it's usually their spouse, or their attorney.
I know what you're thinking - that people with a personality order are mentally ill, and that means they're crazy.  Although it's true that personality disorders are mental disorders, the truth of the matter is that probably 12-15% of the population probably has them, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.  In fact, in some contexts, it's what makes people successful at what they do.  Would you want the CEO of a major corporation not to think he/she is the absolute best at what they do?  How about an actor or actress who doesn't want people to pay attention to them?  Maybe you'd like a soldier who doesn't think everyone is out to get him?  Of course, what makes Mr. I'm better than you, Ms. look at me and Colonel there are enemies in every camp, good at what they do for a living, doesn't necessarily make them good spouses.  They make for high conflict, however, and that conflict is what keeps us busy in the Trenches.