We Don't Always Need to Share

The saying goes "A son is your son til he takes a wife, but a daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life."  Well, bull.  Your child is always your child.   I don't care if they're 3 or 30, many of the same rules apply.  Here in the Trenches, we try to recognize that children are always affected by divorce.  In the collaborative process, we have used a child specialist to help children in their 20s and 30s and their parents deal with the realities of the marital dissolution on the family.  We tell parents, no matter what process they use to dissolve their marriage, not to involve their children in issues that are appropriately resolved between themselves.  So what is it about some people that they feel that when their children turn 18, those rules no longer apply?  I get that you may not like the other parent, it killed you to deal with them while the children were little, and you couldn't wait until they were adults so that you no longer had to discuss day to day parenting and access issues.  Some issues, however, continue past the age of majority - college education, health insurance and payment for health expenses, weddings, and babies.  These are not your children's issues.  They weren't party to your divorce or marital property settlement, and it is not their responsibility to negotiate those issues with their other parent.  Don't ask them to do it.  It's not appropriate.  Remember, in some ways, your children are always your children, even when they are parents themselves.  Be the parent.