Grief and Loss, Part Three

As you all know, I am running the Disney Princess Half Marathon.  In costume.  What you may not know is that Office Testosterone decided which princess I would be.  Belle.  In fact, the discussion of costume or not, and if costume, which one, was one of the last substantive conversations he and I had together.  As luck would have it, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society are the beneficiaries of the race.  I didn't know that, and I'm sure, neither did Office T.  At any rate, I decided that Office T would run with me, in spirit.  The costume is all but finished, and the embroidery pictured above is part of it.  Office T's hockey number was double zero; his favorite color was royal blue.  As for the color of the ribbon - I think that's self explanatory.  It's been almost 10 months since he left us.  I thought I was doing OK dealing with my grief.  I talk about him; I talk to his parents, his grandpa, his other friends.  I look at pictures of him and smile.  I thought how pleased he'd be that the darn NHL strike is over.  As I worked on this embroidery, however, the pain and grief came rushing back.  It hit me like a Tsunami how much I miss him.  I thought I was moving forward in dealing with my grief; I thought I was approaching acceptance, but I was wrong.  My heart hurts.  I can't rush acceptance; it needs to come as I work through the grief and come to terms with the loss of a dear friend.  That might be next month, and it might be next year.  Kind of like our clients here in the Trenches