1-2-3, 1-2-3

In every relationship, the participants develop a pattern of interaction.  Sometimes that pattern of interaction is positive and healthy (those folks don’t often show up in the Trenches) and sometimes, that pattern is dysfunctional and unhealthy.  The latter folks are often in the Trenches.  In the collaborative process, the professionals work far more closely with the clients and more in partnership than in other forms of dispute resolution.  What happens in almost every case is that the clients’ pattern of interaction affects the professional team, and they begin to engage with each other like the clients themselves.    That’s not a good thing.  Sometimes, the team is aware of what’s happening and takes steps to counteract the effect; at other times, what’s happening isn’t apparent until a long way down the road.  You’d think it wouldn’t happen with seasoned professionals, but it does.  It’s kind of like going into a school dance and beginning to dance the waltz.  At first, everyone just looks at you funny.  Then, the beat of the waltz begins to work its way into everyone else’s dancing.  Soon, everyone is dancing on the three-count of the waltz, even if the music is rock and roll.  One couple throws everyone else off and marches them to their beat.  It completely changes the character of the event and diverts the participants from the theme of the dance.  In that situation, it takes a lot of concentration not to dance the waltz, as the dissonance makes people uncomfortable, and things flow more smoothly if everyone’s dancing the same.  In the collaborative practice, it’s the job of the professionals to keep everyone moving in concert with the music of the dance, and not with the dissonance.  It’s a hard job, but not doing it means the couple continues to dance in the same circles that caused their problems in the first place, as opposed to breaking the pattern and resolving the issues.  Resisting the waltz  means the case succeeds;   succumbing spells failure.  Helping the clients change the dance is a large part of what makes collaborative practice different from all other forms of dispute resolution.  So we Cha Cha on - here in the Trenches.