The Downside of the Holidays

Not to be a downer, but today let's talk about the down side of the holidays.  Sure, the holidays are wonderful (Personally, I ADORE Christmas),  but for a lot of us, there is a flip side to all that holiday joy.  For me, it's Thanksgiving.  I love the holiday, seeing my family and having an excuse to eat a ton little stuffing.  Thanksgiving is, however, a time of year where some really not good and not happy things have occurred in my life (this is, of course, why I'm not surprised that if I had to have a car accident, it would be a week before the holiday).  Subconsciously, I kind of dread it, although consciously, I look forward to the holiday itself.  The interesting thing is that I'm not alone.  I can't begin to count the number of clients who walk in my door for whom the time of year in which they separated, decided to divorce, or suffered domestic violence are anniversaries of unpleasant events for them or their spouse.   Holidays are especially tough times, because it's at these times that we miss those we love who are no longer with us.
You know you've heard me say it before, but I'll say it again -  If you can avoid it, don't make major life changes at the holidays.  Many of my clients or their spouses don't follow that advice (and I am not talking about cases of domestic abuse, for which you need to get out whenever you can); the thought of spending even one more holiday season with a spouse they no longer love is too much to bear, so they separate prior to the holidays, with the thought that the stress of being with their spouse at the holidays is greater than that of being newly separated.  Usually, they're wrong, because separation brings its own stresses, and they're stresses my clients have never experienced, and that makes the stress feel so much worse.
If you have separated, and you are dreading the holidays, what can you do?  All the tried and true advice applies:  get enough sleep, exercise, and don't eat and drink too much.  Beyond that, make plans, make new memories, and most of all, avoid triggers for unpleasant memories.  If you always went as a family to the National Christmas Tree, maybe skip this year and try Mount Vernon. You can maintain family traditions of spending time together as a family doing special things without doing exactly the same things.  It's kind of like adding a little hot pepper to the vegetables - they're still the same vegetables, but with a twist.  Try something new, make new memories, and most of all, take care of yourself.  This too will pass, the sun will come out tomorrow, it is always darkest before the dawn....you get the picture.