The holidays will soon be upon us, and with them, all of the drama and angst that is our life here in the Trenches. My favorite blogger, Gretchen Rubin, posted some tips for dealing with difficult relatives over the holidays. I think those tips are great, and most people need them every once in a while. Here in the Trenches, I'd like to add a few more.
1. If you aren't separated yet, think long and hard before you decide to separate at the holidays. Not only will you forever link the holidays with a stressful and perhaps unhappy time in your life, if you have children, they definitely will.
2. If you're thinking of separating, please don't drink alcohol at holiday celebrations. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and if you're already stressed or spending time with people you don't like, you may very well do or say something you will regret, especially if you know you won't be part of that family unit next year. Even if they already don't like you, why give people more ammunition?
3. Especially if you have children, try to maintain family traditions as much as possible. Children need stability and predictability and family traditions provide that for them. Now is not the time to decide that you should have Christmas Eve at your house, when the children have always spent that evening at Aunt Tilly's.
4. If you don't have your children with you on the holiday, find something else to do. Wallowing in self pity never helped anyone.
5. If you have your children with you on the holiday, don't spend your time crying and moaning the loss of your marriage. The children feel the loss too, they don't need you to remind them. They need you to show them that everything will be OK. Even if you don't believe it, fake it til you make it - your children will thank you.
6. If the thought of the holidays causes you to cry, hyperventilate, develop a migraine, shake uncontrollably, or want a drink, schedule some special time with your therapist. Your family and those of us in the Trenches will thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment