May-December

As you know, I am here celebrating Thanksgiving with my parents.  My parents, who first appeared in this blog here, are truly awesome, and not just for the reasons in that first blog.  What most of you may not know is that my parents have an age difference of 15 years.  That doesn't feel like a lot when you're 24 and he's 39, but when you're 75 and he's 90, it's huge.  As you might imagine, my dad is at a different stage in life than my mom at this point.  They're still active socially, and they still go places and do things, but now my mom does all the driving.  She makes sure he gets where he needs to go, and that he takes care of his health.  She takes care of him, and as a result, it has placed limitations on her doing what she wants to do.  What makes my parents different and awesome, is that my mom knew that this day would come way back when she married him.  When she decided to marry a man 15 years older than her, she thought ahead and weighed all the variables and decided life with my dad was worth what might happen 51 years down the road.  So, she's fine and they're still great.
A lot of couples with a large age disparity do well as they age and the tenor the of the relationship changes; but a lot don't.  The reason why is that, unlike my parents, they didn't think ahead.  They saw their personal chemistry and the lifestyle they enjoyed, and figured nothing would ever change.  They thought there would never be a time when her stamina wasn't the same as his, when he wanted to stay put while she still wanted to party, or when she spent her time going from doctor to doctor while he was still young and working.  When that time came, they were unprepared and resentful.  Those people almost always end up in the Trenches, because having an aging spouse with increased needs requires a dedicated caregiver, one who gives without resentment or anger.  People like my parents do it gladly; they feel fortunate they had a lot of years together before their age difference affected their lives, they find a balance in the circle of life, and most importantly, they love enough that the difference in their aging timelines is just part of the bargain.  People who didn't think about it, can't do it at all, and in that way they are like almost every other client in the Trenches.  Deciding to marry and deciding to have children are two of the most important decisions most of us make in our lives.  Why is it most people give more critical thought to buying a car?  It makes no sense at all - here in the Trenches.