A Journey of a Thousand Miles

While I'm in Florida, I usually take time out to visit my longest term friends (I would say "oldest," but I'm thinking that wouldn't be appreciated).  Whenever we get together, even if it is the day after Thanksgiving and their refrigerator is full of leftovers, he makes his mouth-watering barbeque ribs, homemade baked beans and corn, and I make my milk chocolate frosted brownies (from Maida Haetter's Book of Great American Desserts, which is, sadly, out of print).  We always eat the same things, and even when we think of making something else, we never do.  It's a tradition, and it's comfortable, kind of like turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving.  Would we have just as good a time together with a different menu?  Of course we would (although those ribs really are fantastic); it just makes a good time that much better.  The interesting thing about this particular friendship is that we have been friends for 26 years.  We met in law school, where we were the Mutt and Jeff of our class.  His wife became a friend as well.  After graduation, we followed different career paths.  I moved away from Florida; he stayed.  I divorced, they've been married over 30 years.  We watched our children grow up.  We've remained friends - enjoying ribs and brownies and each other a couple of times a year.  I'm one lucky girl.
Of course, the longevity of our friendship makes me think about the Trenches.  Our clients' time in the Trenches is a period of tremendous change.  Their most intimate relationships are contentious.  The friends they had as a couple distance themselves, as if divorce is contagious.  Traditions disintegrate, in the way most people think of traditions:  no more Thanksgiving with the in-laws (which could be a good or a bad thing), alternating holidays with their children, and being alone at a time when they used to be with others.  Losing those traditions is hard.  It's especially difficult when our clients view the Traditions with a big "T" as the only ones that matter.  The clients who recover most quickly from their time in the Trenches are the ones who maintain and cultivate the little "t" traditions, and who cultivate new traditions for the next stage of their lives.  A tradition doesn't need to be a big deal with lots of hoopla and people; sometimes it's ribs and brownies, getting up at midnight to hit the Black Friday sales, or watching the ball drop in Times Square by Skype with your roommate from college.   At a time when all the big things change, creating a foundation of little traditions and pleasures keeps our clients (and all of us) grounded and hopeful for the future, instead of mired in pain and loss.  What is that saying form Lao Tzu?  "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  If you're in the Tenches now, take a step, even if you don't want to do it.