Monday, November 14, 2011

Ordinary


When did "ordinary" become a bad word?  After I heard her speak at the IACP Forum in San Francisco, I started reading Brenè Brown's work, including her blog (click on her name and it will transport you there). I bought her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and it's thought provoking.  I had just finished the chapter on gratitude, in which she quotes from her other book, I Thought It Was Just Me (the story of my life):  "We seem to measure the value of people's contributions (and sometimes their entire lives) by their level of public recognition.  In other words, worth is measured by fame and fortune.  Our culture is quick to dismiss quiet, ordinary, hardworking men and women.  In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless."  What's really interesting about this statement is that Dr. Brown goes on to talk about the importance of the ordinary in all of our lives.  When you think back on it, what are the things we really remember?  It's the little things, like your father slipping in to your graduation ceremony just at the right time, when you thought he was stuck in trial and would miss it; it's the powdered sugar fight your daughter and her friend have while making Christmas cookies; it's seeing a deer run in front of you in the fresh fallen snow.  Sure, there are moments of public recognition, and they're important, but when you look back at what brings you joy, chances are those things are not in the top ten.
Our clients here in the Trenches are filled with fear, consumed by feelings of loss, and overwhelmed by the changes facing them.  It's hard to find joy at such times.  It is especially hard if you have to look for the extraordinary in order to create those feelings.  It is so much more manageable to think of something ordinary, just one thing that makes you smile, whether it's the way the sun shines on the water, finding a parking space right in front of the store, or getting the mail and finding no bills (and no junk mail!).  Little moments of joy in the ordinary are not so hard to manage, and they build on themselves and affect your entire outlook on life.  How you get through life in the Trenches and what you find on the other side depends on it.  Glass half full, anyone?

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